Finding Joy in the Season, Even Without Your Children

The holidays can be a stressful time of the year for any parent. Overbuying, over-eating, and an extreme amount of budgeting and time juggling often make Christmas, or Hanukkah, or any other holiday celebrations more stressful than fun for the average parent. However, some parents this Christmas may have an additional burden that is weighing on their hearts and souls. For whatever reason, whether it is by divorce, through a child's passing, or by mere separation, there are many parents out there who will not be celebrating the holidays with their children this year - these are the parents I would like to speak to today.

My heart breaks for you and I empathize with your situation. Getting through the holidays can often be hard enough without dealing with the pain of the absence of your children. However, there are coping mechanisms and ways to make your holiday joyful, even without your kids. Remember, a positive attitude, regardless of the situation, can often make a huge difference in how you perceive an event or experience. What follows, are some tips for helping you to not just get through the holidays without your kids, but to maybe even enjoy them a little, while keeping your kids close to the heart.

First, keep your integrity. Being angry and resentful of the situation will not help anything and will only make you and those around you miserable. Take care of yourself. Don't let yourself fall into a depression, but concentrate on eating right, sleeping right, and getting some exercise. Focus on the positive things in your life, instead of on the negative. These simple actions will go a long way in helping you to feel better about your current circumstances. However, realize that it is OKAY to feel sad or lonely, but don't let it consume you. Grieve the loss of time with your child/children for that holiday season and then move on and find something cheerful to do.

If your kids are in foster care or with another parent during the holidays, maybe start a new holiday tradition or celebrate the holidays on the day closest to Christmas that you will see them. Take the time to make sure they have their special holiday moment, even if yours is not perfect. Then, if you are alone for the real holiday, you have a few options. You could either surround yourself with close family and friends, who will help you to share in the laughter and love without your children, or if you feel that will be too painful for you, perhaps choose an activity for that day that does not involve children at all. Maybe spend it with some friends who do not have children, or better yet plan to do a service project with your wife/husband/partner/single friend on that day.

Sometimes serving others can refocus your pain into a positive direction. Find a local shelter or soup kitchen that serves meals during the holidays. Perhaps volunteering while helping others will alleviate your pain and give you an activity to do to get your mind off of not having your children around.

Also, remember that being productive and decorating for the holidays even in the absence of your children, while it can make you feel sad, can also help you to feel close to your kids. Put up a tree and lights, and fill your house with the sights and sounds that your kids always loved around the holidays. The death of a child or the absence of your children in the home can be depressing, so sometimes keeping things as normal as possible for yourself and your other kids can help to move past the painful moments.

Additionally, take the time without your kids to refocus this holiday season. Remember your own personal goals and count your other blessings. Take the quiet time to determine how you are going to make things better in the future, or what you are going to do for the next holiday season that will allow you to have time with your kids. Reflect on the memories of your child and perhaps find a way to memorialize their favorite holiday moments.

Remember, that while not having the presence of your children during the holidays can be painful, there is good in each and every moment. My thoughts go out to the families and community of Sandy Hook, Connecticut, where many families will be celebrating these holidays without some of their children. Tears are brought to my eyes in compassion and grief for any of you out there who the death of a child has removed them from your presence - I am sure, making the holidays feel unbearable. To that, I wish to say...this blog today was not written without sympathy and my prayers, nor is it intended to be a flippant response to grieving the death of child. This blog was written so that maybe, one day in the future, you will be ready to face the holidays and may find joy in them once again.

For the rest of the parents out there. When you have the opportunity to hug your children this holiday season, please do so. Tell them you love them. Whether you get to celebrate Christmas day with them or not, find a reason to be joyful this December. For there are so many families out there that will be struggling to find a reason for joy. Strive for peace, love, and positivity. Find alternative ways to celebrate and always focus on the real reason for the season. Enjoy your week and enjoy your kids!

Purchasing Safe Toys for Your Kids

Brrrrrr....a chill is definitely in the air this Monday morning! It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever other holiday you and your family may celebrate and incorporate with numerous other winter traditions. For most people, the chillier weather brings about fond feelings of upcoming time spent with family and friends, and moments full of celebration and love.

So, while you're thinking about all the warm fuzzy feelings inside, with the cold weather outside, have you yet begun to contemplate all those presents that you still need to buy? Whether your budget is big or small, the most important thing to consider when buying gifts for your children or others' children is the safety of the gift. This is the time of year where scores of new toys are hitting the shelves and children of all ages are looking starry eyed at television ads and along the store aisles at all the new and wonderful creations toy makers have come up with for the 2012 Christmas Season.

However, when deciding on purchases for your own children and those of others, remember that every year thousands of children are treated in hospital emergency rooms for toy-related injuries. Therefore, there may be some safety considerations to take to heart when purchasing toys this year, with specific guidelines for certain ages.

Several websites, including SafeMamma.com, SafeKidsUSA.org, and KidsHealth.org offer parents and guardians some guidelines for purchasing age appropriate toys that are safe for children. These websites all break down gift ideas into age brackets and give suggestions for purchasing toys for kids within those age brackets.

Here are some tips to consider before you go shopping this year:
-Consider the child's age, interest, and skill level for whom you are purchasing the gift
-When shopping, read the toy's labels. Watch for the age and safety recommendations on each of the toys and follow these guidelines when making a purchase
-Check to ensure that the toy is not damaged or broken in any way before you buy it. Broken or loose pieces can become safety and choking hazards.

Additionally, here are some recommendations of gifts for ages birth through preschool, the most vulnerable ages for choking hazards and toy safety issues:

Newborn to Toddler:
-hand puppets for parents to entertain babies with
-stuffed animals that are washable, without any plastic or buttons on them that may fall off
-soft blankets

Toddler to 3 years of age:
-a little yoga mat, to do exercises with mom
-crayons (or any non-sharp coloring utensil) and coloring books or colored paper
-personalized hero cape and mask (I mean come on - what little boy doesn't want to be a super hero anyway?!)

3 year of age through Preschool:
-board or card games that involve learning a skill and do not include small pieces
-a tool belt with miniature tools (however, remember no metal or sharp objects! "Tool Belt by Plan Toys" is a safe tool belt set that little boys can use to help dad fix things around the house)
-Young artists sets with paints and paint brushes, stamps, etc.
-Jumbo, soft floor puzzles

These gifts are suggested on the links from the sites above. Browse around and find the perfect, safe gift for your little loved ones this holiday season. Be sure to keep up with our Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, "Christmas" board for more holiday gift ideas and safety measures. Enjoy your week and enjoy your kids!

Keeping Your Kids Healthy & Safe During the Winter Season

December is here and with it comes the joys of the holiday season! Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christ's birth, Santa Clause, or anything else this time of year, it is always a time filled with family, friends, children, joy, and laughter. Christmas cookies begin making appearances on every tray and platter in my home, along with lit up trees, house, and mailboxes. Presents usually begin to abound for one and for all. Oh, the holidays....I love this time of year!

So, why is it that when your child comes home with the flu a few days before Christmas, or your toddler drips a runny nose all December long, or your 8-year old steps out of sight for 1 second while you are Christmas shopping, that your heart begins to race and you worry about keeping your child healthy and safe? Well, that's because it's winter, and while the holidays are a time for celebration and joy, illness still makes its way into our homes and children, yes as horrible as it may seem, children are still kidnapped, harmed, and cruelly abused even during the holiday season. In fact, during this holiday season over 3,000 children will be victims of child abuse and neglect in Oklahoma City alone. This is a scary number, and one that we should all focus on when considering where our kids are and what they are doing during this time of year. So, here's some tips on not just keeping your kids healthy during the flu and cold season, but keeping them safe as well. First, let's talk about taking care of those runny noses and upset bellies:

-Make sure your kids are always washing their hands with antibacterial soap for at least 60 seconds each time. Hand washing is important after all kinds of activities, including using the restroom, after they have been outside, before eating, after being out in public, etc.
-Teach your child to keep his/her hands away from his/her face. Touching of the mouth, nose, or eyes can all spread germs that your child might be carrying or put germs on them from the rest of the world. A good rule is just in general, helping them to keep their hands away from their face.
-While getting vaccinations is a personal choice for everyone, and each parent should discuss vaccines with their healthcare providers and do their own research, now is the time of year when vaccinations are often given. Consider the facts and talk with multiple sources to determine if vaccines are the right choice for you and your child.
-Help your child boost his/her natural immunity by eating healthy foods and getting plenty of exercise, even in the colder weather. Lots of fruits and veggies, with high vitamin content are extremely important this time of year. Also, make sure they are drinking plenty of liquids. Orange juice and water are are key liquids to staying healthy. Stay away from sugary juices and sodas.
-In addition to eating and acting healthy, ensure that your children are getting plenty of rest. This helps their bodies to recover from a long day and helps to strengthen immunity to common illnesses. 
-Also, if your child seems to have a persistent cough, keep a humidifier running during the night or at naps. This can help to calm a cough and lessen mucous thickening, causing your child to be congested.
-Dress your children appropriately. The weather in Oklahoma is constantly changing, so make sure your kids dress in layers to be both cool enough while at school, and warm enough when they have to step outside for recess, chores, or to catch the bus.
-Lastly, know when to call the doctor. If your child is running a temperature or just not right, be sure to make a visit to the doctor before they become extremely ill. Your child's weakened immune system may just need that extra boost from antibiotics, or even just some healthy advise from a physician.

Okay, so we've covered a little bit about keeping your children healthy. Now, let's talk about keeping them safe. During the holidays there are plenty of activities that can be an endangerment to your child, including crowds at holiday events or during shopping, playing on the slippery surfaces of ice and snow, accepting rides from teenage friends in inclement weather, etc. It is important as a parent, to keep all these events in mind. Here are some holiday tips for keeping your kids safe:

-Establish rules for young children before a family outing. Whether your rules consist of always holding an adult's hand, never being more than 2 steps away from an adult at all times, or the buddy system for your older children, be sure to establish these before you leave the house.
-Talk about never leaving places, such as the mall with strangers, and discuss "stranger-danger" with your young children. Talk to your children about a meeting place if you get separated, and show them what a "trusted adult" looks like for each location (store clerk, police officer, etc.)
-Have your children wear bright colors when you know you are going to be somewhere that is overcrowded.
-The holidays involve a high crime rate for robbery, so instruct your children, especially your older children to never open the front door before checking who it is and checking with you about answering it.
-When playing out in the cold and snow, make sure your kids are within earshot or eye sight and that they have helmets on if they are skiing, snowboarding, and in some cases sledding - especially if you live in a hilly area.
-Make sure your teenage children know not to ride with other teenagers without asking your permission on snowy days. Over-confident teenage drivers and less than predictable conditions on the road can be a recipe for car accidents and disaster. Avoid these situations by driving your own teenagers around or allocating them rides with trusted adults.

These are just a few tips for keeping your kids healthy and safe this winter. Watch for more tips throughout the month on our Facebook and Twitter pages (@fambuildersok). Also, be sure to follow our 'Winter' and 'Christmas' boards on Pinterest for fun winter ideas, and health and safety tips. Enjoy your kids and enjoy your week!